


Annoying Tony 101

by Brentinator, Clover_Rose



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Family (kind of?) Fluff, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Jokes, Movie Reference, Peter is a Little Shit, Precious Peter Parker, Puns & Word Play, Sick Peter Parker, Tony Stark Is Not Helping, science fiction references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-06 21:58:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14657055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brentinator/pseuds/Brentinator, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clover_Rose/pseuds/Clover_Rose
Summary: 'Tony, for once, was finally having a good day. And maybe that was jinxing it a bit, but he was. He had worked out the finalizing details for his deal with NASA, had gotten his presentation ready for speaking at MIT, and even had time to rent out a drive-in theatre so he and Pepper could see Titanic—her favourite film—for her birthday.So, all in all, everything was perfect.That is, until Peter started making his science-fiction references, and suddenly his "good day" turned into a bad one.'(Or, 3 times Tony didn't mind Peter's science-fiction references, + 1 time he did.)





	Annoying Tony 101

**Author's Note:**

> So my favorite line in Infinity War was when Tony told Peter that he didn't want to hear another pop culture reference out of him until they were home, and my older sister (her username is SenseiGrace on Wattpad and Fanfiction.net) told me to write a story after THAT SCENE (if you've seen Infinity War, you know what scene) and something comes up where Tony is expecting to hear a pop culture reference and it never comes. I told her no (but if you guys want that, it can be a part 2 for this.) And I decided to make something humorous.  
> I'm not gonna lie, there is a lot of swearing in this, more then I would like, to be completely honest, but it is really funny XD.  
> And finally, thanks to Stardust16 for editing this completely unannounced last night, I really appreciate it.

Tony, for once, was finally having a good day. And maybe that was jinxing it a bit, but he was. He had worked out the finalizing details for his deal with NASA, had gotten his presentation ready for speaking at MIT, and even had time to rent out a drive-in theatre so he and Pepper could see Titanic—her favourite film—for her birthday.

So, all in all, everything was perfect.

Until, it wasn't.

He was down in his lab, working on some blueprints for bionic chips, when his phone started ringing and interrupted the Black Sabbath music he had playing in the background. Giving FRIDAY a quick order to turn it down, he had then used one hand to swipe through the hologram files he was looking at, while using the other to answer the phone.

"Stark Industries," He said, pressing the speaker button on the Starkphone. "Tony Stark speaking. How can I help you?"

"Hello, Mr. Stark. This is Mary-Jane, one of the secretaries from Midtown High, calling to inform you about Peter Parker."

Tony sighed, before shaking his head, and focusing back on the hologram files in front of him. "Well?" He asked. "What'd the kid do now?"

"I'm afraid to say that Mr. Parker," Mary-Jane said, her tone sharp and sour. "Did not do anything. In fact, the only reason I'm calling to inform you of him is because he fainted in class, is running a fever of 102.3 degrees, and needs someone to pick him up from the nurse's office. But, if you're not interested, then—"

"When?"

"What?"

"When'd he faint? How long ago? What period?"

"Second period. He fainted around twenty minutes ago, but he's only been up for five minutes, since he was out for fifteen. Now, are you coming to get him, or should I inform his friend, Ned, to keep on calling his aunt?"

"What? No, I'll—I'll come to pick him up. Just tell his friend to keep him awake, okay?"

"I'll see what I can do, but I'm afraid can't make any promises. Thanks, and have a good day."

Staring in shock as the phone clicked off (When did secretaries become so sassy?), the billionaire had then shut off the holograms he was looking at (which were blueprints, for bionic chips, that he received from two inventor brothers called Douglas and Donald Davenport), before pocketing the small device he received the call on. Then, grabbing his car keys and a jacket, he rushed out of the room and planned to cancel his plans with Pepper.

••••••••••••••

"So, care to tell me why you are severely sleep deprived and dehydrated, or do I have to force it out of you?" Tony asked, as he handed the teen, who was lying on his black leather couch, a water bottle. It was almost an hour later, and the two were now back at the compound, as Peter lied buried in blankets while Toy tried to keep him hydrated (because, if he couldn't treat his fever (the darn thing wouldn't go down), then at least he could get him to drink something).

Peter shrugged, as he sat up and unscrewed the cap on the water bottle. "Been studying a lot," He excused, as he took a moment to press the plastic against his lip, and watched Tony take a seat near his feet. "Finals are coming up and stuff. Gotta stay prepared, you know?"

"And the dehydration?"

"Been patrolling a lot more lately. I'm staying with Ned, since Aunt May's away on business, so that means I have tons of free time. Figured I'd put it to good use."

"Okay, but I'm assuming his mom was looking after you guys, right? Or his dad?" Tony asked, before gently tilting the bottle away from his 'intern's' lips. "And don't chug, okay? 'Cause I'm _really_ not in the mood to clean your puke."

"Sorry," Peter replied, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "And, yeah, she was, but that was before yesterday."

"Yesterday?" Tony questioned, confused. "Why? What happened yesterday?"

"She and Mr. Leeds had to leave on a business retreat. They figured we'd be okay, since it'd only be for a few days, and we were just studying and stuff, but then Ned said he wanted to take a break, so we decided to watch Star Wars…"

"But then one movie changed into the entire trilogy, and you guys pulled an all-nighter to watch 'em," Tony finished, as he ran hand through his hair in realization. "Okay," He said, as he cocked his head. "But that still doesn't explain why you got sick, kid. Did Ned have a bug or something?"

Taking a moment to let the water soothe his sore throat, Peter pulled plastic away from his lips as he answered. "Nah," He replied. "Think it was just the dehydration and loss of sleep that caught up with me."

Tony raised an eyebrow at this, sensing there was something the kid wasn't telling him, but decided to let the issue drop. They could talk about it when he was better, anyway. "Alright," He stated, as he took the water bottle from the kid's shaky fingers, and set it on the glass coffee table beside the two. "Well, I have a date with Pepper for tonight, so just call FRIDAY if you need anything, okay? Otherwise, I want you to drink some water, get some sleep, and, for the love of God, _please_ try not to break anything while I'm gone. Everything here costs more than me and you."

"Do or do not," Peter recited with a smirk, as he turned on his side so he could sleep properly. "There is no try."

"Hey!" Waving a finger at Peter, Tony stopped in his tracks as he spoke. "Cool it, okay, kid? No one likes a smart ass."

"But you're a smart ass, Mr. Stark, and I still like you."

Staring the teen down with narrowed eyes, the two had then stood in silence for a few minutes as they glared at each other—which was hard for Peter, 'cause he needed to sneeze, and it'd just be ridiculous if he broke the silence over such a silly little thing. But, luck seemed to be in his side for once, as Tony muttered a quiet "Damn it, kid," before walking out of the room.

Peter burst out laughing, just before he sneezed, and fell asleep.

•••••••••••••••••••••

Tony smiled as he covered the kid's eyes, and lead him down the stairs to the garage. Peter's birthday was coming up soon—in just a few days, actually—and he figured he'd do something nice for him for once. But, since the kid was gonna be busy celebrating his birthday with his friends, on the actual day it came, here they were, three days before it actually happened.

"Come on, Mr. Stark! Just tell me!" Peter protested, as he let the man guide him down the stairs. With a hand covering his face, he couldn't really see, so Tony took to guiding him down the stairs, since he didn't really want the kid to sprain his ankle and have to take him to a hospital. "Is it a new suit?" He then guessed again.

"Nope. You already rejected the last one, and I'm not giving you another one."

"What about a dog?!" Peter questioned, excitedly, as the thought came to mind. "I've always wanted a beagle! Or golden retriever! Aunt May always says they remind her of bears, but I just keep on telling her that she's getting her animals confused."

"I prefer Dalmatians or Dobermans, but no. Why would I let you take care of something that's alive if you can't even take care of yourself?"

"'Cause… I'm Spider-Man?"

"Yeah, no. You know that answer's not gonna get you everything, kiddo."

"Eh, I can try." Huffing, Peter had then tried to look through the spaces between the fingers that were clamped over his eyes and firmly pressed together, before he felt something whack the back of his head.

"Hey, eyes closed, Underoos! And don't say you weren't looking, 'cause I could feel your eyes fluttering under my hands, and I'm a genius."

"You know," Peter mocked, as he felt a hand wrap around his arm. "You can't use that excuse for everything, Mr. Stark."

"Yeah, yeah. Just shut it, kid, or else you won't get your gift." Smiling a bit at the tiny achievement of annoying his mentor, Peter had then felt his feet moving slowly down the last few steps, before the two finally stood on solid ground. "Okay, and… Open."

Opening his eyes after the man took his hands off, Peter had then blinked rapidly to make his vision return quickly and it was only then, that he realized where they were.

"Uh, Mr. Stark?" He questioned, confused. "No offense, but why are we in the garage? I thought Happy was giving me a ride tonight."

"Oh, he is," Tony said, his tone pointed. "But, you're sixteen, and you have a license. I figure it's about time you get a car, instead of taking the subway or bus."

"But, what about—"

"Your aunt? She already knows, she was the first one I talked to about it."

"So I get to pick?" Peter asked, acting like a giddy little kid, and looking at the cars that were worth more than his entire existence. They were all parked perfectly, and looked pretty expensive with a nice, solid colour coating them, but others weren't as flashy and had more subtlety to them. Peter figured he'd pick one of those.

"Well, you can't exactly have the Tesla or the limo, and you probably don't want the car that Pepper's dad had, but other than that, go ahead. I think it goes without saying that all the motorcycles are off-limits as well."

Peter immediately started going around the garage, looking around for a car, but stopped when he turned a corner.

"Um, Mr. Stark?" He questioned, a trace of happiness laced within his own tone.

"Is everything okay, kid?" Tony asked as he went over to his 'intern', only to see his gaze fixed on a particular car. "Oh," He explained. "That's my DeLorean."

Peter couldn't help the tips of his lips from turning upwards, as a smile shine through. "Wait a minute, Mr. Stark. Are—Are you telling me that you built a time machine... out of a DeLorean?"

Tony rolled his eyes at the comment that made Peter burst into laughter, before gently patting the kid on the back.

"Just pick out a car before I decide to get you a Lego one instead."

••••••••••••••••••••

Peter latched onto the side of the apartment building closest to him, and aimed his web at the large android intent with destroying Los Angeles, but watched in shock as the robot simply tore it off.

"My webs aren't doing anything!" He yelled, ducking under a jeep that was thrown at him. "What do I do?!"

"Help civilians on the ground. If your powers aren't working, then there isn't anything you can do. Stay down, and stay low. This isn't worth getting hurt," Tony insisted, blasting the side of the android, though all it did was make it stumble a bit.

"Klaatu barada nikto!"

"Spider-Man?" Falcon questioned at his exclamation of seemingly gibberish. "You okay over there?!"

Peter sighed, sick of people not getting his science-fiction references. "Haven't you guys ever see that really, really, old movie, The Day The Earth Stood Still? It's a failsafe code to keep the robot, Gort, from destroying the world," He explained, helping a few people to safety. "I just thought it'd work."

"You have too much time on your hands," Rhodey remarked as he rolled his eyes, which made Tony chuckle a bit, knowing he wasn't the only one annoyed by the teen's references.

Unfortunately, though, it seemed as if the android was annoyed by Peter's references as well, as it started moving closer and closer towards him but not before almost stomping a woman to death.

"Hey!" The teenager yelled. "Get away from her, you bi—"

"Language!" Black Widow yelled from her spot on the ground, helping with the evacuation. "I don't know how old you are, but if you're quoting Aliens, then you're not old enough to swear!"

Peter didn't respond, though, as he was too busy saving that woman who almost got crushed to death.

Webbing the android's leg, he had then started swinging around it, like he did in Germany to Ant-Man, and started tying the two together. However, just as he finished, the android's hand hit him, and sent him flying into a wall in a weak heap.

"Spider-Man's down!" Rhodey yelled as he started to deactivate the android.

"Spider-Man?" Tony asked, through the comms, as he raced toward the kid and softly shook his shoulder. Removing his faceplate, he had then kneeled next to the teen so his face was blocked from everyone's view, and pulled the mask off his intern. "Can you hear me? Come on, kid, come on…"

"ET," Peter said, as his eyes opened a bit. They were unfocused, and a bit foggy, but they were open and that was all that mattered. "Phone home…"

"Damn it…" Tony muttered, as Peter smiled with laughter. "One of these days, you're gonna kill me, kid…"

•••••••••••••••••••

Tony and Peter were stuck on Titan with Strange when Peter apologized in advance.

"Let me just say, if aliens wind up implanting eggs in my chest or something and I eat one of you, I'm sorry."

And, that's when Tony was done. He pointed a finger at the teenager and told him:

"Alright, that's it. I don't want another single pop culture reference out of you for the rest of the trip. You got that, kid?"


End file.
